I Have Decided...

I have decided that from this point forward I am a paedo Baptist. That's right. After much debate and the fact that I have discovered Baptists are not reformed, I am making the switch to having babies be baptized. You can imagine how this conversation went with my wife and my children whom I have baptized. I am officially leaving my Baptist roots behind to the Presbyterian church where hymns are sung, and the preacher might be wearing a robe. Yes, wearing a robe is for preaching. not just for taking after taking a bath. This also means I am truly reformed, and hope R. Scott Clark unblocks me on X so he can rejoice in my conversion and when the Nebraska Cornhuskers return to glory in the College Football world. 

I have also decided after much that Thomas Aquinas is totally misunderstood and that everyone needs to chill out including myself. Yes, he is the angelic doctor, but he means well. He might be wrong about justification, but at least he has the Trinity right. This also means I get to have my place at the seat of the table with those I once considered as intellectual snobs. What a great tradition I have just embraced. This gives me hope that Matthew Barrett will unblock me on X so we can rejoice when the Kansas City Chiefs continue to dominate the NFL with the assistance of the officials all for the love of the Swifties in the world.

I have also decided to put my foot down and have my wife and daughter wear a head covering. Not only this is directly from a passage of scripture that is about headship more than covering, I believe that all women should. I mean feminism is out of control, right? Not to mention, my wife will look cute in one and there might be some boy that want to court my daughter after my blessing followed by an intense integration from me. 

I have also decided to ditch my days of Amillennialism and embrace the view of Postmillennialism. Yes, this means that the world will get better including Wal-Mart bathrooms and ice cream machines at MacDonald's will work all the time in accordance with prophecy. You know what I have just decided as I write this? I have decided that I should start a church with postmil views, woman wear head coverings and may even wear a clerical collar to show this town that I have authority because I am the best we got. Joel Webbon, eat your heart out. 

I have also decided that I have been wrong about the age of the earth. We have been around for millions of years rather than thousands of years and the flood of Noah was actually a local flood rather than a local flood so I can be a better witness to the scientific community. I might as well be more open evolution since I am a monkey's uncle. By the way, this does not make me liberal folks.

Finally, if you are believing every word I am saying without realizing what day this is, then, in the words of R.C. Sproul, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!?!?!

God bless and have a good day.