How to Overcome Anger

If we are honest with ourselves, we struggle with anger. We get angry when someone cuts us off in traffic, when our sports teams lost the big game, or the dog decided to leave a DNA sample on your rug. We all have anger issues and it is something that we cannot afford to ignore.

Mark Altrogge has given us some sound advice on how to overcome anger:

1. We can overcome anger by remembering that anger is a sin

Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath! Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil. Psalm 37:8
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Ephesians 4:31
Usually, anger is a sin. There are exceptions. For example God himself exercises righteous anger at sin and actions that dishonor him:
In Matthew 21:12-13 Jesus overturned the tables of the money changers in the temple…
And Jesus entered the temple and drove out all who sold and bought in the temple, and he overturned the tables of the money-changers and the seats of those who sold pigeons. He said to them, “It is written, ‘My house shall be called a house of prayer,’ but you make it a den of robbers.”
In Mark 3:5, Jesus feels righteous anger toward the Pharisees for their hardness of heart:
And he looked around at them with anger, grieved at their hardness of heart, and said to the man, “Stretch out your hand.” He stretched it out, and his hand was restored.
Jesus was not only angry but he was grieved at the same time by their sinful condition. He was righteous in his anger at them, but saddened by how lost they were. What a lesson for us!

2. We can overcome anger by understanding the roots of our anger

God’s word tells us that our anger is not caused by other people, but springs out of flesh and its sinful desires.
What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. James 4:1-2
James doesn’t say the cause of our quarrels and fights is those idiots who sin against us. No, he says that our “passions” and desires within us are the roots of our anger. He says we “covet and cannot obtain,” so we fight and quarrel. In other words, we want something and can’t get it, so we get angry and fight and quarrel to try to get what we want.
Here is the most helpful question to ask ourselves when we are feeling angry:
What is it that I want right now that I’m not getting?
This question has changed my life. This question has helped me again and again to overcome the temptation to anger in my life. I try to ask myself this question when I’m tempted to be angry. What is it I want right now that I’m not getting? Well, I want that person to respect me. I want them to see things my way. I want that person to think well of me.
When someone pulls in front of you and you need to slam on your brakes, before you get all apoplectic, ask yourself what is it you want that you’re not getting? Well, I want to go where I want to without any delays. I want all traffic to clear out before me so I can get there fast. I don’t want to slow down. I want every light to turn green just before I get to it.. I want all things in this world to serve me.

3. We can overcome anger by remembering the results of anger

Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath! Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil. Ps 37.8
Anger “tends only to evil.” In other words, it leads to more sin. It makes things worse.
Anger does not good. It will not make others do the right thing:
For the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. James 1:20
We often think that our anger will make others do what we want them to. Parents think that their anger will intimidate their children to doing what they should. I once heard that parents’ anger may move their children to obey, but will actually produce little Pharisees, who obey outwardly, out of fear, but not inwardly from the heart.
Anger opens the door for the devil.
Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil. Ephesians 4:26-27
Anger gives the devil the opportunity to lead us to bitterness and division, and broken relationships.
So when we are tempted to vent our anger on someone, or just pound our fist on the seat of our car or grumble under our breath, remember, it’s not going to do any good; it will only make things worse.

4. We can overcome anger by taking the log out of our own eye

“Owwww! Owwww! Now you’re getting too close to home, Mark. It’s not me it’s them.” Well, Jesus has news for us. He tells us that we probably have much bigger faults than the things that anger us about others. In Matthew 7, Jesus says:
Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye. Matthew 7:1-5
Now the thing about “eye logs” is that we aren’t aware of them. We have a huge log sticking out of our own eye and we are so focused on the speck in our brother’s eye. We judge them. Often anger is a form of judgment. We get angry at our children when they are goofing off and wrestling with each other instead of going to bed like the little soldiers they should be. But do we always instantaneously obey the Lord? We lay on our horn when someone pulls out in front of us, but have we never done that? Ok, maybe someone has really hurt us, so we are really angry at them. And maybe with “righteous” anger. But we need to remember how we have sinned against the Lord, and he forgave us. Which brings me to the next point:

5. We can overcome anger by forgiving others

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32
And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.” Mark 11:25
Forgiveness is so critical in overcoming anger toward others. If anyone had the right to not forgive others, it was Jesus. Though he was perfectly sinless, he was unjustly arrested, accused, beaten and scourged, crowned with thorns, mocked, and crucified like a criminal on a Roman cross. Yet he cried out from the cross, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:24).
God has forgiven us of all our sins. Every single one. How can we not forgive others for their sins against us?
People will sin against us. People will wound us and hurt us deeply. They may never ask our forgiveness. They may never see how devastatingly they have hurt us. It is not easy to forgive someone who has betrayed us or stolen from us or brought horrific pain into our lives. I’m not saying it is easy. I’m not saying that we will have a relationship with them if we forgive them or that we must be friends with them or trust them. But we must forgive them. And only Jesus can help us do that. Which brings us to the next point.

6. We can overcome anger by praying for those who sin against us

“But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. Luke 6:27-28
We can’t hold on to anger when we are asking God to bless someone who has offended us. Anger won’t change anyone’s heart, but prayer can. And with Jesus’ mighty help we can not only overcome our anger toward someone, but we can love them and even do good to them. Jesus can not only change the hearts of those who sin against us, but he can change our heart. Anger will rob us of joy and lead us into further sin. But when we pray and forgive and do good to others, it will bring peace and joy into our hearts, and we will experience more of God’s love.

Podcast Wednesday: Anger, SBC, Classics, and more

The Importance and Need for Expository Preaching from Equipping You In Grace

Aaron Armstrong on why we should read classic books

Doctrine and Devotion on anger

When We Understand The Text addresses what happened in the recent annual meeting of the Southern Baptist Convention

Popcorn Theology talks about the classic Robin Williams movie Mrs. Doubtfire

John Piper answers the question, Jesus Said He’d Return Soon, So Where Is He?

Tom Buck, Pastor of FBC Lindale, TX, talks with James White about Southern Baptist life

Be Self-Control In Your Anger

Paul says that "the fruit of the Spirit is...self-control" (Galatians 5:23). What do we normally put in the category of things to gain self-control over. Lust, food, and even drinks. Anger is hardly any one's list of what they to be better in self-control. The Bible has a lot to say about anger, especially the book of Proverbs:

Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly (Proverbs 14:29)

Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense (Proverbs 19:11)

A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention (Proverbs 15:18)

Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man,lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare (Proverbs 23:24-25)

James even tells us that "the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God" (James 1:20). So anger is an issue that each one of us deal with. Some more extreme than others. Jesus was angry too, but it was a righteous anger. Our anger at times are not righteous, in fact, they are selfish.

Should we be angry if our kids are not going at a fast pace so we can get to our destination? Should we be angry at the computer when something does not work the way its suppose to? Should we be angry when your favorite restaurant is out of your favorite food because you have been boasting how good it is?

Truth is we can do some stupid stuff when we are angry. We act like a two-year-old who did not get that toy he/she asked for and starts lying on the floor screaming. Working in retail, I have seen people acting like that at times. We look like the guy in the picture with steam coming out of both ears.

Sometimes our anger is a direct result of our impatience. We can be impatient people at times in our fast food society. If the drive-thru line takes longer than it should, we get mad. When you go to Wal-Mart that had 30 check-out lanes and only 5 are open (some of you know what I am talking about).

The gospel reminds us that God is patient with us even when we are not patient with others or ourselves. Remember that anger is not a sin, but how we use it can be a sin. Psalm 4:4 and Ephesians 4:26 says, "In your anger, do not sin." Remember Jesus got angry and He lives a perfect life. The Fruit of the Spirit of God working in our lives is self-control. We can ask the Holy Spirit to help us in our times of anger. One thing that has helped me is tell God in prayer how ticked off you are at the person you are angry with or the situation you are dealing with.

What happens if you do lose it: Ask God to forgive you, repent (even if it is the 100th time you have lost it), and, if you lost your temper at someone, asked that person to forgive you. Parents, if you got angry at your kids (I mean anger for no reason) tell them you were wrong.

Anger is something all of us have to deal with. This is where we need to go beyond ourselves and ask the Holy Spirit for help.